I know. Not a super original blog post title, but as I have shared before, coming up with a title for my posts is one of the most challenging things to do! Anyway, I was super excited to wear this dress while we were in Costa Rica. We had a dinner one evening with the rest of the people on our trip, so I had planned to save this dress for that night. The dinner was pushed back a day and I was kind of glad-it gave me an extra day to get a little more of a tan (or burn!). Red has always been a color I can pull off so any chance I get I wear it! I will say this dress runs a tad big so I suggest sizing down. I had this tied as high up as I could comfortably wear it (lol!) and it still made it a little tough to wear a regular strapless bra! This is also one of those dresses though that just flows as you walk-it's such a dream! It is insanely comfortable-think not having to suck it in one bit comfortable! I think that is one of the reasons I tend to gravitate towards maxi dresses-I know I am not the only one, right?!
Happy Monday! Hope you all had a great weekend and week. It's been about a week since I last posted. If you follow on instagram, you know Ryan and I were away last week in Costa Rica. It was relaxing and so great to get away. One night while in Costa Rica we were shooting this look and per the usual, we ended up laughing hysterically. As much as shooting for the blog can be a pain, it's something that (for the most part) we love doing together. We laugh, make jokes, create new inside (typically dirty) jokes with each other and just plain have a blast. Over the last several years, blog photo shoots has sort of become our "thing" which is why I included these photo shoot pics in a post about marriage, in case you were wondering-lol! It's a true testament of Ryan taking interest in something that makes me happy! For those of you married, especially those of you with children, you know how hard it can be to stay connected with your husband or wife. It isn't hard to forget who you were as a couple before kids, even just marriage came along. We are no experts by any means, but we have learned a lot about each other and our marriage in the almost 13 years since we said "I do." Our marriage has been through many seasons, both wonderfully good and terribly bad. For me personally, I think it's in those terribly bad seasons you truly learn what makes your spouse tick (in a good way), and things that need to happen from all parties to make a marriage work. I thought it would be fun to share some things that Ryan and I do to try and stay connected to each other. I also some input from readers, which was so awesome-it certainly gave me ideas of things Ryan and I can try!
Semi regular date nights out: I know this can be tough for some. Maybe it's because you don't have a sitter, or maybe it's because you just can't bring yourself to be away from your children. We are lucky in that we have a few babysitters and two sets of parents that would be more than willing to watch our girls. If you aren't in our boat and don't have a babysitter, ask around to some of your parent friends, other parents at your kids' schools, or even contact any local high schools or colleges. Guaranteed you will find a babysitter. If your reasoning for not having date nights is the latter, let me just say this-you will survive a few hours away from your son or daughter. Your son/daughter will survive a few hours away from you. Look at other parents who do it, and we all have survived to tell about it! If it truly is impossible to get out without your children, have a date night after they go to bed. Ryan and I do this sometimes. We will feed the girls dinner, do the bed time routine and then have our own at home date night. It could be getting take out and watching a movie, or cooking dinner together and eating/talking at the table. It's no restaurant but it's still an uninterrupted meal!
Day dates: Can't get a babysitter? Maybe it's easier for you to take off work for a day and have a day date. Grab lunch together, take a nap, catch up on your favorite show! I am off on Monday's and Ryan works from home for a portion of the day, so we are able to use Monday's as time for us. We may watch an episode or two of our favorite show, or run an errand together. It doesn't have to be anything great, but it's just us, minus the girls, and that is special to us! Lay in bed, listen to music and talk: This was a suggestion from a reader, and I absolutely love it! We have a TV in our room, and typically when we are in there it's on. We literally go upstairs to go to bed, get ourselves ready for bed, turn the TV on, and lay in bed watching it until we fall asleep. Talking can seem to be kept to a minimum. Imagine all of the chatting you can have if the TV is off and the music is on! I don't know about you, but music is something that always triggers memories-something that typically leaves us in stitches when sharing them! I can't wait to try this!
We invited God into our marriage: I am not one to preach, or tell people what to believe, but I will say our marriage has grown by leaps and bounds since attending church on a regular basis. At our lowest point in our marriage I remember my Mom telling me that we needed God in our lives and not really thinking anything of it. It took us another couple of years, but I must say I've seen the changes in us and our marriage since going to church, getting baptized, and praying together. It took us years to find a church we both felt comfortable with-it's almost like shopping! I promise, there's room for God. Weekend's Away: Even if it's just for a night, even if it's just at a hotel down the street from you, try to sneak away every once in a while. I know this can particularly be hard for some just because of jobs, logistics, not having a babysitter, or one that can spend the night. But if you are one of the lucky ones that has the overnight sitter option, a nanny, or even grandparents nearby, just do it. Again, your children will survive a night away from you! Sometimes for us, it's a money thing and spending money just isn't in the budget, so my parents or Ryan's will take the girls for the weekend. Ryan's parents love to take the girls to the beach, and my parents love to bring the girls to their home (2 hours away). We don't end up going anywhere, and just stay at home, but it's just enough of a "getaway" to rejuvenate us! Share our best part and our worst part of the day, every day: This is a little daily ritual we started with the girls several years ago. Not quite sure how it came to be, but we do this every day at dinner. We go around the table and share our best part and worst part of the day. If it was just an "eh" kind of day we say "ho hum!" While this is something we include the girls in, I always find it's something I look forward to. Sometimes the good and the bad are things we can talk about in more detail when the girls go to bed! Ryan and I will sometimes use it as a chance to share how proud we are of each other-maybe my best part of the day was that Ryan took on a new builder for work, or his best part may be that I had a great sales day at my store and he is proud of me for that! It's little things like that, that show us we see each other and are paying attention!
Have one night a month dedicated to your spouse: This one was from a reader, and is one that I totally love and want to add into our marriage. I'll let her explain it, because she did better than me! "One night a month is dedicated for the other person and what your significant other likes as an individual. One night I might come home to a clean house and a bottle of my favorite wine and then on his night we might go to a sports bar and drink a pitcher of beer. It's the little things but acknowledging that we still know the things that the other person likes as an individual vs. us as a couple is special." Awesome, isn't it?! I was trying to think of things we could do for our"nights." For me, it might be him giving Charlotte a bath even if it's my turn, and maybe putting both of the girls to bed (we alternate), or even just surprising me with a small gift card to Target and an hour or two to myself! For him, it could be something simple like sitting with him on the couch and watching a soccer game or some other game with him. Usually when he watches one of his favorite games I go up to our room and watch TV by myself. Simply spending time with him while he watches something he enjoys can go a long way! We do things without each other: This is one thing we have always been pretty good at (I don't know if that's good or bad?! LOL). We both enjoy doing stuff on our own, and think it's important to have things or hobbies separate from each other. When he goes golfing with his friends, I notice it gives him a little pep, a little boost. Same goes for me- when I have a night out with my girlfriends it helps me as a Mom and a wife. It can be tricky to find a balance, and it can be easy to fall in the "tit for tat" trap-it's just a matter of finding the good balance of being together but honoring your spouse and their hobbies!
Have a date night agenda: This is another contribution from a reader and I love it! She says both she and her husband make a note in their phone of things to talk about on their date night so they don't end up talking about their kids and only their kids. She starts making notes in her phone a few days leading up to date night-a great article you read, a funny thing you saw, etc. As she said: "Date night with agenda....discussion about bucket list goal, interest in something local, a funny incident with a dog. Date night without agenda...did the toddler poop today? I can't remember when he last pooped? Maybe it was yesterday?" HA! DIY together: Another reader contribution, and something that could be so much fun! Knowing my husband and I though, I don't think this is something that would end well for us (LOL), but I do think it's such a fun idea to have a project together if it works for you! Board game nights: I love this suggestion from a reader! There are definitely nights where after we put the girls to bed we plop ourselves down on our side of the couch and fall asleep to our TV shows. Having a board game night would be such a fun alternative to a typical night at home! Try new things: Dinner and a movie can be easy, but a reader suggested doing things that are different and possibly out of your comfort zone-an escape room, local theater, indoor trampoline park, trivia nights. I always forget about fun things like these, but I will say every time we take the girls to do something fun we always say how fun it would be to do without them! Hang out with friends as a couple: We have a really great group of friends in our area, and we try to do something with some of them or all of the together each weekend. We certainly aren't the couple that has to have a packed schedule every weekend, and we do enjoy the occasional one with no plans, but we love to be with our friends. Our kids all play together, so it's really fulfilling to be able to chat with other like minded adults! I honestly don't know if our friends realize what an integral part they play in our marriage! Kiss each other: This can be hard sometimes. We make it a point to give each other a kiss hello and goodbye and good night, but there are sometimes where one of us will say to the other "I don't know when the last time was we kissed!" That's usually a little self check to say HEY-Get it together! Things get busy, kids get in the way, but a small gesture like a kiss hello/goodbye/good night is super important to us.
So this dress I am wearing in these pictures may be just another maxi dress, or just another blog photo shoot, but for us, it's something that keeps us connected, keeps us laughing, and keeps us involved in each other's lives!
What are some things you do in your marriage or relationship to stay connected?!
As you are reading this, I'll be on a plane headed for Costa Rica with Ryan! (Be sure to follow our adventures on instagram!) I don't know if other parents out there feel this way, but I typically don't get excited for a trip until I am actually there. Whether you are traveling with you children or without, there's always so much to do in order to get ready, that it leaves little time to actually get excited!
Knowing we would be without the girls for a few days, I was really looking forward to this past weekend. I love weekends where we have no set plans or obligations, and just kind of go where the wind takes us!
Every Saturday, Ryan and the girls come and visit me at the store. They grab lunch at the market, then hang out for a bit-it's a Saturday tradition that I have grown to love and look forward to each week. Sundays are made for church, Dunkin Donuts, blog photo shoots and grocery shopping. It may sound mundane to some, but I live for Sundays. It's literally the only day of the week that Ryan and I both have off together so it's totally sacred to us!
I wore this outfit to church yesterday, and for our usual Sunday things-totally casual and comfy! Some of the items are low in stock or sold out, so I made sure to link a few different options at the bottom of the post for you! This sweater though is super comfortable...in the short time I've owned it I've worn it several times!
So what special weekend traditions do you have?! Would love to hear!
For those of you that don't know me, I am Rebecca's husband, Ryan. I am usually behind the lens snapping shots of her in the latest trends. Or lurking in the background of her insta-stories waiting for a chance to unleash my Aaron Rodgers like charm on the world (Rebecca always says people start following her blog for her but stick around for me-I don't know if that's true but that's what she tells me). When I heard what she was planning to do with #MoreThanASize movement I felt I had to share my first hand experience of how this mentality has positively impacted my best friend, Rebecca.
I’ve known Rebecca for just about half my life, seventeen and a half years to be more exact. Over that time I’ve become quite accustomed to the same routine year in and year out. It would be right around this time of year Rebecca would begin the battle to become the size that she thought would be ideal for bikini or beach weather. Break out the Walk Away the Pounds, or Pilates, whatever the new hot at home workout would be at the time. Usually the gym wouldn’t be involved because I think she was too self conscious to go workout in a room with other people. In her mind, all eyes would be on her and she wouldn’t want to embarrass herself in front of other people if she was using something incorrectly. Who am I to judge though? I workout in the basement for the same reasons and its just more convenient.
Once the latest home workout was started Rebecca would move onto the latest diet craze. I can’t remember them all but I do know there was Atkins, South Beach Diet, Nutrisystem, and the old staple of Weight Watchers. All of these seemed to work great in combination with her workouts. By the time beach season hit Rebecca would get to what she thought everyone would deem an acceptable body shape for the summer. She’d look great, stunning really, ready to show off to the world all of the hard work she’d put in over the winter.
At the end of the day, though, who was she really trying to impress? I personally think she looks stunning all the time, no matter what her size. In her eyes, I am her husband and I am supposed to say to that though. I think, for that reason, my opinion on how she looks really means the least when it should really mean the most (next to her own). Not be rude, I don’t really care how she looks. I care more about how she feels. Is she happy about herself, her career, our relationship, her children, her parenting, etc? Those are the things that really matter and to me that is what makes her a beautiful person-not her weight or her style.
Was there also someone or something that she needed to be super skinny for? Yes, society! I do think there is an outside pressure from society, the Hollywood types, social media, etc. to look perfect or be a certain size because that is what we see on television each day. Quite honestly, its unrealistic and unattainable for many “normal” women or men to attain the typical Hollywood body. There is only so much time in the day to be able to work, parent, workout, fight to be skinny, get glammed up, and sleep. Something has to give and I think it should be the fight to look perfect. How you look shouldn’t define who you are.
I think Rebecca finally realized this over the last couple years. She was tired of the daily struggle of starving herself and staring into the mirror wondering how everyone thought she’d look. Rebecca realized that she wasn’t truly happy with who she was. Did she really want her kids to see and hear her each day questioning her size or worrying about whether or not she could squeeze into a size six? Did she think I really wouldn’t love her if she wasn’t skinny? Our girls don’t care and I don’t care. Rebecca is more than a size to us. To us she is a mother, an entrepreneur, a friend, a lover, a trendsetter, a beautiful person (inside and out), and so much more.
Everyone of these pictures I chose shows a beautiful person. Society tells her she’s most beautiful when she is her smallest. Society doesn’t care how unhealthy it was for Rebecca to get to her skinniest.
F— society! I’m with Rebecca everyday and witnessed the daily struggle to be somebody she wasn’t. It wasn’t pretty at all. She’s most beautiful to me when she’s her happiest with herself. When she realized she’s more than a size! She realized she’s a Mom, a friend, an entrepreneur, a wife, and who God wants her to be. She walks with confidence in herself everyday and you can see it in her. I am proud to call her my wife!
It actually took her close to 35 years but I think Rebecca is finally and truly happy. She is comfortable in her skin and has accepted that her best actually has nothing to do with her size. Rebecca can finally see what I’ve seen all along-she is #MoreThanASize.
It was freezing this weekend! But that didn't stop us from heading out to a little ice festival that York had. Cool ice sculptures, a fun ice slide for kids to try-it was fitting that it was barely in the 20's!
Knowing we would be outside, bundling up was a top priority for me! I wore this sweater (which is now sold out) on Christmas Day, and have worn it a couple of times since. It's really super cozy-I wish it were still in stock for you all!
If it weren't so cold, I would have loved to toss off the Uggs and wear a pair of adorable mules, but that was definitely not an option. I am all about fashion before function, but I feel like once it drops below freezing I just can't follow that rule!
Outfit Details:
Jacket: Old Navy /// Sweater: Loft (see similar options below) /// Jeans: Madewell (sold out, similar) /// Scarf: Zara (super old, similar) /// Sunglasses: Ray Ban /// Hat: Target (similar) /// Shoes: Uggs
You're probably wondering, why #MoreThanASize? Why this movement? What is it?
There is so much focus in society on everyone's size. We are either too skinny, too fat, should be this size, should be that size, too tall, not tall enough. The thing is, it's hard for society as a whole to look past someone's size and see that a person is so much more. They aren't just a size 14-they are an impactful teacher and amazing Mother. They aren't just a 00, they are a really loyal friend and philanthropist. They aren't just a size 6, they are an extremely successful business owner and mentor.
As
I have shared in Redbook Magazine and on the Today Show, I have been every size
from a 2 to a12/14 and am more confident now, at my largest than I have ever been.
My confidence has grown leaps and bounds.
Growing up and well into adulthood, size always mattered to me and was the most important thing to me. My worth was solely based on my size and my weight.
I had just done another diet for the millionth time, was about a size 10 and hating myself because I was into double digit sizes.
Being the perfect size was fueled by the latest fad diet, binging one day, feeling guilty, and as a result then barely eating the next day. Juice diets, to low carb to no carb.
If I just go down one more size, I will for sure be happy. On and on it went, and with each new size and new weight on the scale brought the same dissatisfaction, and so the cycle continued.
At my skinniest-a size 2. I looked happy but being a size 2 wasn't good enough for me-I needed to be a size 0.
Then motherhood came into my life and the pressure increased-I had to be that mom that women asked "What's your secret?" The cycle continued.
My life was 100% dictated by my size, what I weighed, what I ate or didn't eat. I knew it had to stop, and I knew it was something that I did not want my girls to go through.
With my girls always around, I faked confidence. I kept lying to myself that I am confident, I love myself, and I am worth it.
You know what happened? I eventually started to believe it. It also became clear to me that the memories my girls will have of me won't be the size my jeans were or that my thighs rubbed together when I walked. It'll be the giggles from playing Candyland, or pushing them on the swing so high they touch the sky.
It's been such a journey to get here. I just turned 36, so journey is definitely the word to describe it. Do I love myself every day? No way. I still pick myself apart sometimes, disappoint myself, but I at least try everyday and that to me is what important. It's hard. It's work. But it's worth it. Especially if you are surrounded by people who love you, and especially when you are trying to be an example.
Most importantly though, one of the reasons I feel so confident
is that I came to the realization that I am not only worth so much more than my size, that I am so much more than my size. I am a great wife, a pretty
awesome Mom (most of the time?!), a successful business owner, blogger, great
listener, and funny friend just to name a few. My size doesn’t define me! I’ll
say it again- my size doesn’t define me.
So what is #MoreThanASize?
#MoreThanASize
is a movement to help women (men too!) of all sizes realize their
worth is not based on their size, and that who
they are and what they are
matters so much more.
Take a moment today, snap a selfie, and share your #MoreThanASize statement:
“I am #MoreThanASize. I am (a) ______________”
Interested in a #MoreThanASize tee shirt? Pre-order one here.
It has finally gotten above freezing here in PA, which means it feels balmy outside! I literally did not wear a jacket when I was out and about yesterday-ultimately a bad decision, but when I stepped outside initially it felt warm. Guys it was still only in the 30's. Ooops!
With Wednesday being my birthday, we went out to dinner as a family. Obviously with the girls it wasn't anything too fancy, so keeping it casual was on the agenda. Per the usual I am loving all of Loft's new arrivals. I stopped by the other day while I was out to check them out-plus they were having one of their 40% off sales, so I obviously couldn't resist grabbing a couple of things.
I love this top because it has me wishing for spring-love the stripes and floral paired together. Plus, it's really lightweight which makes it easy to layer now while the temps are still pretty cold. When it gets a bit warmer I see myself wearing it with some white denim and wedges or sandals!
